I’d like to be a lot of things. Like being a strong female who gets things done. Then I find myself wanting to wear a flower crown and walk barefoot towards the sunset, without a care in the world. There are moments when nothing ever bothers me, nothing hurts me. But then again, something as simple as a song can take me back to my childhood and make me feel sappy for a few days.
I love my alone time. And I don’t mean that as in taking a few hours for self-care and then hang out with friends for the rest of the day. I love being alone, as in finding excuses to not go out and finish a book, or write, anything that makes me feel like I have space for doing me. On the other hand, whereas I don’t consider myself friendless, I don’t really have friends. Except my boyfriend, there’s no one I talk to every day. There’s no one I would confess all my fears, dreams and thoughts to. That doesn’t really bother me until I feel like going out for coffee with a friend to talk about the universe, books, beliefs, whatever, and I find myself being wistful for that kind of friend. But then again, I might be too selfish to invest in a friendship like that.
I sometimes wish to become that elegant, clean-cut type of woman. But I love myself an indie aesthetic. I am a paradox. I love a lot of things that deny each other. One thing’s for sure, though. That who we are has nothing to do with choosing templates and everything to do with the things we love, the things that shaped us, experiences that changed us.
I think life is an endless journey of creating ourselves. So I wish you find the courage to put whatever you like on that canvas. There are no patterns to follow. Who says we can’t be strong and soft? Who says you can’t take off your heels to pick flowers from a field? Be a mosaic. Sad and happy at the same time. Clearly defined yet free.